Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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