Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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