Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
did you just send me my own nude
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
