remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
