almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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