Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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