So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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