party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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