What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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