Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
