we're blogging at a bar
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
