i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
