IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
