Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
