We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
