Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
