girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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