If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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