My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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