just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Text me some of your sweat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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