Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
