Your mouth is God's brothel.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
