I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
