I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
