This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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