U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
