you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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