they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
