You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
