i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
