So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize