Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
