and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
