Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
