I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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