Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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