I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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