they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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