I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
