I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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