I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love you. Go after that dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
