omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
