How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
