They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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