Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
