I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
