You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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