dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
