Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
