I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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