Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
