gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
