If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
