so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
