Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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