dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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