I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
