i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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