hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hippo gnu deer
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize