I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
