Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
