My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
