Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
