Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
