thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we're making bets on your personal life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
