He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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