you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
