Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
...so i touched it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
