I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
