Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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