i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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