There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
