I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize