i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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