she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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