Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
