And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
