Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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