She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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