im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
